Friday, 23 March 2012

It Hurts

It's a Friday night and I've sat here stuffing my face in pizza and doing uni work.

It was a yummy pizza but I have suddenly lost my appetite and could only eat half of it (the picture makes it look bigger than what it is) and I didn't take in any of the studying I've been doing.  I can't tell you what on earth I've been trying to learn for the past hour but I've been trying to keep my brain occupied.  I don't really understand because this is the biggest things I've eaten in the last few days, I've been surviving on pieces on toast now and then, and now my stomach has suddenly grown!

Me and my boyfriend broke up today.  This morning.  Maybe it was yesterday.  I'm not too sure.  But I only found out this morning.  I'm already missing him so much.  We live together (he's gone to his parents for the time being), we wake up together every morning, we spend some time with each other every day, we cook together every day, I tell him everything and anything and he is (was) the person I trusted most.  We had an argument though, I don't really want to go into details.  Some things were said, but not many, he wouldn't talk to me after, and the next thing I knew, this morning it came up on facebook that he was now single.  It's only facebook but the thing that hurt me a lot is that I had to find out through facebook, he wasn't man enough to said it to my face.  He won't talk to me properly until after the weekend.

It's his 21st birthday tomorrow.  I've spent ages choosing the right decorations, learning how to bake the perfect cake and choosing perfect presents - I'm now skint.  I just feel so let down and hurt.  He is having a party in our house tomorrow.  He says he wants me to be there.  So I have to some how (at the moment I have no idea how) go and pretend to be happy.  I'm sitting here alone in the house tonight and I'm just wishing I went back to my parents tonight.

I can't put into words how hurt and upset I feel, but also angry.

I suppose I should keep with the theme of this blog.

This stuff (Soap and Glory You Won't Believe Your Eyes) has been a life saver when I've had to calm down my red and puffy eyes as well as the massive dark circles I have (I just can't sleep at the moment).
My trusty Lily Lolo mineral foundation has also served me well.  Although it comes off more or less straight away when I start crying, when my eyes are dry it covers everything up well.

I now have to think of something to wear tomorrow.  I have spent the last few days looking a mess, but I guess I will leave my outfit choosing until tomorrow.

This evening I have also done my nails. They are a little messy but never mind.

I think I am now going to get into bed with a cup of tea and watch 24 (I'm now on season 3).  I'm at a bit of a loss at what to do but I don't really feel like doing any more work.

Sorry for such a depressing blog post!  I wouldn't normally want to write about something so personal.  But that's what I felt like writing about - it's the only thing on my mind at the moment!

Have a good weekend!


  1. Oh god that sucks so badly, I'm so sorry!! Don't go to his birthday party if you feel you can't manage it, nows the time to think of you.
    ps I like the nails!

    1. Thanks :) I think I will go, and can always run into my room if it's too much haha.
      And thank you!

  2. Oh, I'm really sorry. :-( I take these things to heart myself (I am still upset over my ex who I've been broken up with for nine months now) so I know how hard it is.

    I know you haven't given details but maybe if it's just an argument you can fix things. Although I always think the FB relationship status update change after an argument is a bit low.

    Hope it all works out for you either way.x

    1. Ohh that sucks (how things have happened for you) :(
      It's not just a simple argument - it's something that can't be fixed.

      I've never taken the fb relationship status too seriously, afterall it is just facebook. But I'm taking this seriously. It's childish and it was horrible finding out through facebook.

      Thank you :)

  3. I agree with "half a doc". I'm so sorry, honey! Things will get better, and everything happens for a reason. Keep your head up! You're still a smart, fabulous, wonderful person! =)

    On another note, I had days like that, too, where I couldn't keep any school info in my head. lol It happens.

    Take care.

  4. I'm so sorry :( That's really sad <3 I hope you feel better soon :)
    On an unrelated note I tagged you in a post, check out my blog for details x